In need of some encouragement!
Hello!
So I'm nearing one month of being completely sober, no drinks, no drugs.
In the first week or two I was on these forums a lot and they really helped.
I managed to go out for a friends birthday night out, and when I got to a point where the feeling of wanting to drink was overpowering, I left. I kind of felt emotional earlier in the night, because one friend asked me how it felt to be sober. I honestly felt like I wanted to cry because I just wanted to shout out, it feels crap! Not because I wanted to be drunk, particularly, but because I wanted to be like them...able to drink a little, have a good time, not black out, wake up with a mild hangover but no self-loathing, you know...what I consider to be 'normal' drinking in your 20s. But I knew I couldn't. So I didn't. And the next day, I was super proud of myself.
However, as I'm getting to the end of this month, I can feel myself wavering. There's a big party club night in a couple of weeks, and it won't be alcohol-fuelled. It would be drugs. Now, the ridiculous thing is, I've started thinking, well hey, you've never blacked out if you JUST take MDMA. Maybe you can go to this club-night, and just take that, and not drink and then...
It's crazy thoughts because as soon as I start doing that again, drink will be just around the corner, and besides, it's not like drugs are good for me, my body, or mind either!?
Does anyone else make these crazy justifications in their head just so they have an excuse to start up again? It's almost like I WANT to hate myself...because I've had a really good month - why am I even thinking I want to start again?!