Some favorites from my AH:
“Well you’ll be mad at me anyway even if I just drink a few, so I just really go for it”
“I know you probably think I’ve been drinking, but my face is all flushed because I had some hot sauce”
“No, I haven’t been drinking today” (when I get home from work early and find him passed out on our office floor with a blanket and a pillow and a cocktail on the desk)
“It must be food poisoning” (when I again come home from work to find him throwing up and the entire place smells like whiskey)
I’m sure there are more. Just a few notable ones off the top of my head!