My first post - My daughter
This is my first post. Not sure where to start, so I will just jump. I am a recovering addict myself. Meth was my drug of choice back in the day and I have been clean for 20+ years. Once I stopped, I stopped.
My daughter is 19. She is a bright beautiful light in my eyes and my only child. She is in trouble and I don't know what to do at this point and I am seeking some guidance.
She moved away to college and that quickly ended into a cluster. She dropped out, started using coke/meth (just found this out) was in an abusive relationship...etc. then her dad died in a horrific motorcycle accident 5 months ago. He was only 43 and had just left a bar. He took a turn too quick and slid 30 feet on his face, died instantly. The coroner called my daughter(she was his only next of kin) and she had to identify his body by a portrait tattoo he had on his leg of her from when she was in kindergarten....
Their relationship was always strained. He lived in another state and they rarely saw each other. Now he is gone forever and she can never ever repair what they had...
She escaped her bad relationship and recently moved back home. As soon as she was back, she jumped back into another relationship. This person is bad news...really bad news. When she moved back home she admitted her meth use to me and that she was clean. She is off of meth but now she has turned to pills. I was with her the other day and she was slurring her words and repeating the same thing over and over again. I confronted her and she denied it. This morning I woke up to a message from a friend of hers saying that my daughter posted a snapchat picture of a handful of Xanax with the title "hit me up". So now....I believe she is selling pills along with using them.
Like I said in the beginning I am an addict. My drug of choice (and her dads) was meth. I have never messed with pills, ever. Her dad and I were together for 14 years and once he got clean he turned to alcohol and I left him...and took our daughter with me.
We have tried to put her in counseling recently for her dad...but that lasted 2 sessions. She tells me she has no feelings and is numb inside because she feels so lost without him...and now I have found out she is taking pills. Her stuff is at our house, but she is not staying with me. She is 19, owns her own car, has a good job. I am lost on which avenue to go down, so I am reaching out here first. If I confront her again, she will just deny it. I am thinking about maybe telling her I want to take her to dinner but in reality I drive us to a NA meeting...we don't have the financial means for rehab...she's in trouble and is my one and only. I cannot lose her....
I have not told her grandparents, my husband (her step dad) or anyone honestly....I am keeping all of this inside and I am about to lose it myself....I just don't know what to do...