What is it that you wish to 'go back to'? Drinking heavily without hangovers? Blackouts? Getting drunk now and then? None of that is in the realm of normal drinking or responsible drinking. I guess its important to understand what you deem as 'normal'?
I totally understand btw. Frankly, if I could get drunk without negative consequences I probably still would. But that is not the case. And for me the consequences got worse and worse. Now they are deadly.