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What now? Am I an alcoholic?

Old 04-15-2018, 04:12 AM
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What now? Am I an alcoholic?

Hi,
This is all new to me so don't know where else to turn for advice.
I had never been addicted to alcohol previously. I got drunk now and then but nothing extreme. After a stressful period, I went through a month of pretty heavy drinking, like regular blackouts etc. Because I don't get hangovers, I guess it's been easier for me to take drinking to extremes sometimes and not suffer ill effects. Anyway, after the month of straight drinking, I woke up one morning shaking. Didn't think too much of it, but it got gradually worse and worse until I was going through a pretty severe bout of withdrawals. Shaking, could barely use my hands to grip anything, waking up with saturated sheets, really high blood pressure and pulse, among other things. I thought I was going to die and could barely get out of bed or move for a week, but got gradually better. My question is, what now? Am I an alcoholic now or what? Can I go back to drinking socially again, or in moderation without going through withdrawals? I just want to go back to being normal before all this started. Is it possible? Has anyone on here developed physical dependence to alcohol as a "one off" episode after a period of excessive drinking and then gone back to normal afterwards? Or is physical dependence for life? My partner has gone through excessive drinking periods but never got withdrawals. Does that mean he's just not as susceptible as me to being physically dependent? I'm aware of risk of DTs, seizures etc, so don't want to take any chances, but also want to be normal again if possible, and if there's a way for my body to kick the physical dependence over time, after a period of not drinking and giving my body a break. Because I would miss having wine with dinner or getting drunk in social situations, since I'm still relatively young, and would prefer to not go through a life of not drinking at all if possible. Thanks for your advice.

Last edited by newlyaddicted; 04-15-2018 at 04:18 AM. Reason: Typo
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Old 04-15-2018, 04:33 AM
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You will feel like this again if you carry on drinking. All things being equal withdrawal can get worse as you carry on. Suggest you try stopping while youre ahead.
Dave 🤠
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Old 04-15-2018, 04:44 AM
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Thanks Dave. Guess I'm most fearful of going through another bout of withdrawal, but wondering if this is possible if I limit myself to a couple of drinks in future. I was able to drink in moderation before. So wondering if I can overcome the newly acquired physical dependence, if I can go back to moderate drinking, without any withdrawals.

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Old 04-15-2018, 05:37 AM
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Your brain gets conditioned so that you need more and more to get the same effect. That being the case and I assume that you drink for a mental outcome from drinking - it wont cut it.
But I dont do soapboxes - there are plenty of experienced contributors on here who whilst not necessarily agreeing with me - are equipped to advise. Theres a booklist on here too which might assist in your decision making.
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Old 04-15-2018, 05:47 AM
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Thanks Dave. I started drinking heavily mainly to deal with stress and insomnia, to pass out/sleep. But after getting used to blacking out, I admit I enjoyed the feeling of being detached from reality in that sense. But obviously became a problem once I tried to drink and drive /couldn't remember anything or control my actions etc. That's not to say if I started again, I would let it get to that point. But going through withdrawals was pretty scary and a pretty big deterrent for me.
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Old 04-15-2018, 05:49 AM
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Originally Posted by newlyaddicted View Post
I was able to drink in moderation before. So wondering if I can overcome the newly acquired physical dependence, if I can go back to moderate drinking, without any withdrawals.
only you can determine that. however, i hope you take some time and read the hundreds of threads and posts here from people that thought they would be able to moderate and ended up worse off than before.

although "alcoholic" is much more than the quantity or frequency that a person drinks, looking at the label isnt a good way to determine if alcohol is causing problems and should be addressed.
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Old 04-15-2018, 06:03 AM
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I somehow never reached physical dependence but was still addicted and well on my way there. Regular blackouts don't just "subside" even if you limit your intake. In fact they get worse quickly if you play around too much with stopping then starting again. I would assume physical withdrawal only gets worse as well. The one person I know who had serious DTs progressed from shaking to hallucinations the next time he tried to stop.
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Old 04-15-2018, 06:24 AM
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What is it that you wish to 'go back to'? Drinking heavily without hangovers? Blackouts? Getting drunk now and then? None of that is in the realm of normal drinking or responsible drinking. I guess its important to understand what you deem as 'normal'?

I totally understand btw. Frankly, if I could get drunk without negative consequences I probably still would. But that is not the case. And for me the consequences got worse and worse. Now they are deadly.
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Old 04-15-2018, 06:28 AM
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Thats what happened to me Cosina. The hallucinations - they were mad. So real - weird. Doc put me on the Benzos - even after that I still drank but very much less - then THE END. Which is very much the same today as it was yesterday 😎
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Old 04-15-2018, 08:39 AM
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Originally Posted by newlyaddicted View Post
Hi,
This is all new to me so don't know where else to turn for advice.
I had never been addicted to alcohol previously. I got drunk now and then but nothing extreme. After a stressful period, I went through a month of pretty heavy drinking, like regular blackouts etc.


This is the first comment that is very concerning to me. It is just really hard for me to believe that your drinking was "nothing extreme" at all, but then you had "regular blackouts" all of a sudden when you all of a sudden decided to heavily drink for a month. That must have come from somewhere. Perhaps a growing dependence you hadn't recognized? Please don't get me wrong. I'm not implying you are lying. I am wondering if perhaps you actually were becoming a more extreme drinker with time but not actually realizing it? That is kind of the way alcoholism often goes - it creeps up on you.

[/QUOTE]after the month of straight drinking, I woke up one morning shaking. Didn't think too much of it, but it got gradually worse and worse until I was going through a pretty severe bout of withdrawals. Shaking, could barely use my hands to grip anything, waking up with saturated sheets, really high blood pressure and pulse, among other things. I thought I was going to die..[/QUOTE]

To go back to my last point. At first, with the shaking, you "didn't think too much of it". That shows a real denial going on that a problem exists. People who wake up shaking generally would be very concerned by such a fact. You weren't. It makes me think your drinking issue is worse that you realize. Denial is a very real thing.

[/QUOTE]just want to go back to being normal before all this started. Is it possible? [/QUOTE]

I don't want to bum you out, but I doubt you've been drinking like a "normal" person for a very long time. Also, think of it this way: "Before all this started" would actually be BEFORE you ever picked up an alcoholic beverage. THAT actually is a "normal" state. I see why you want to "go back to being normal", but maybe try to reframe in your mind what is actually "normal"?

[/QUOTE]Because I would miss having wine with dinner or getting drunk in social situations, since I'm still relatively young, and would prefer to not go through a life of not drinking at all if possible. Thanks for your advice.[/QUOTE]

I 100% understand why you'd miss wine with dinner or in social situations. But, as you explained, you are relatively young. From your description, I just don't think you were born to drink (and, from my research, 1/8 people weren't...so you're not alone). I am 42. I lost a good 20 years of my life to this. I just really don't want the same for you. Rather than thinking of it as being stuck with a lifetime ban on drinking, maybe try to think of it as being gifted with a lifetime of freedom. I assure you, you get to the point where you miss it less and less and less.

I know you won't love my advice. Obviously feel free to ignore it. But since you asked for advice, I wanted to be honest with you about what I see in your words. I hope this helps.
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Old 04-15-2018, 08:44 AM
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Welcome Newly - lots of good advice here. Just about all of us had a point in our life where we started to realize that our drinking was a problem. And as most others have said here, once you've crossed that line into addictive/alcoholic drinking, you can never go back. It's not the news you want, but the facts speak for themselves unfortunately. I bargained with my addiction for many years but it always won in the end.

The good news is that you can build a better life without alcohol - and the folks here on SR can help you do so. Lots of support and understanding to be found, hope you can stick around.
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Old 04-15-2018, 09:51 AM
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"but also want to be normal again if possible"

But "normal" people don't have the drinking history you have.

Normal people don't have regular blackouts, severe withdrawals, shaking so badly that can't hold onto things, times when they can't get out of bed for a week, etc., etc., etc.

This is what happens to YOU when you drink.
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Old 04-15-2018, 10:47 AM
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Originally Posted by daveglass1 View Post
Thats what happened to me Cosina. The hallucinations - they were mad. So real - weird. Doc put me on the Benzos - even after that I still drank but very much less - then THE END. Which is very much the same today as it was yesterday 😎
Regards
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Good for you for taking it seriously. The person I know is still drinking. I guess I shouldn't say it went immediately from the shakes to hallucinations since I don't have all the information on how many times he tried stopping exactly. I just know he's not even 30 yet and already at that point. So it really doesn't matter how young you are or how long you've been at it..
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Old 04-15-2018, 11:01 AM
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You have some great thoughts here.

I drank like you describe for 40 years and never had any physical symptoms, so I think you got an issue -- question for you is whether you address it or ignore it.

Most people would ignore it, but my advice is to address it -- I would love to have those 40 years over to do sober.

Sohard's post is spot on.

Good luck.
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Old 04-15-2018, 11:39 AM
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Can I go back to drinking socially again, or in moderation without going through withdrawals?
I call myself an alcoholic because when I have a drink or two I can't stop. Suggest deciding you're having one or two drinks and see if you can do it. A non-alcoholic will have no problem doing it. We alcoholics drink for effect, typically to escape life, stress or pain.
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Old 04-15-2018, 11:49 AM
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those are some pretty serious symptoms brought on by consuming alcohol. that alone would be a good enough reason to NOT DRINK at all again. why even risk it?
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Old 04-15-2018, 02:10 PM
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Thanks everyone for your advice. I'll take it all on board. I guess I was initially curious about the difference between physical and mental addiction and couldn't find much about it. In my memory, I've gone through more periods of moderate drinking than excessive so thought if I could recover from the physical dependence, and it's not permanent, could go back to it. But if I'm honest, I guess I might have trouble with moderate drinking because I would miss being drunk and would want to experience that again. And then I guess I risk withdrawals again now if I get drunk? Also, I've had a chronic illness last few years which has kinda kept me from drinking at all. And when I think about it, shortly before starting again once I got better, I ended up here rather quickly. Just a taste for getting drunk again I guess made me do it more often. And a few years ago prior to illness, there were definitely periods I went through, blacking out and doing stuff I'm not proud of. But they were also counterbalanced by better periods, I think. So maybe there has been a growing problem there I haven't been aware of.
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Old 04-15-2018, 04:20 PM
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Originally Posted by NYCDoglvr View Post
I call myself an alcoholic because when I have a drink or two I can't stop. Suggest deciding you're having one or two drinks and see if you can do it. A non-alcoholic will have no problem doing it. We alcoholics drink for effect, typically to escape life, stress or pain.
This is what the AA big book suggests.

Be honest with yourself - what happens normally when you start drinking? Can you easily put it down and stop, or are you secretly obsessing about and craving more and more?

One of the hardest things to do is get honest with ourselves about our drinking. We want to hold on (for dear life) to the idea that we can drink normally.

Glad you’re seeking out advice, and welcome to SR.
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Old 04-15-2018, 05:39 PM
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I really struggled with the idea of not drinking. Tried to moderate for years. The trouble is I like to get drunk. I do not want one or 2 drinks or a glass of wine with dinner. I want a bottle or 1.5 with dinner.

I got honest with myself. Best thing I ever did. It is so much easier, yes easier, never drinking at all. All the stress, hangovers, guilt, shame, worry, gone, just gone. I don’t miss any of it.
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Old 04-15-2018, 05:47 PM
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Originally Posted by HTown View Post
I really struggled with the idea of not drinking. Tried to moderate for years. The trouble is I like to get drunk. I do not want one or 2 drinks or a glass of wine with dinner. I want a bottle or 1.5 with dinner.

I got honest with myself. Best thing I ever did. It is so much easier, yes easier, never drinking at all. All the stress, hangovers, guilt, shame, worry, gone, just gone. I don’t miss any of it.
Agreed. I realize I cannot control the drink once I start. The only way to control it is to abstain. Used to jok about one being too many and 10 not being enough. Ain't so funny anymore
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