Day 15
I smoked pot every day from the age of 17, I am 34, 15 months ago I started taking vicodin, I have been clean over 2 weeks, this is what I realize.
When I was using I was numb, now I am feeling for the first time, I am realizing that when i started using I was an unhappy child, when pot came along, no more unhappy child.
Now, many years later, I have feelings again, my 5 year old nephew is having trouble in kindergarden with reading and paying attention, he sometimes gets the shakes and has some slight speech problems.
Now my nephews family (sister and her husband) lives very close to me (3 blocks) I have no children of my own and him and I have a very close and special relationship, we go to the movies, the toy store, out to eat or whatever, that boy is my blood and he adores his uncle.
Today he went to an mri, my sister said that, while in the waiting room, he turned to her and said he was scared, when hearing about this little event it really pushed a button in me.
I believe that, through him I am beginning to experiance some troubling childhood feelings, I have been kind of depressed, crying on occasion, it does not feel good, without the pot I have no barrier between myself and my emotions, it can be very painful, the strange thing is, there is not a single event or memory in my life that is triggering this, its just old feelings that werent there when I was using, I never used to feel happy, or sad, just high all the time, now I feel strange, like 17 years worth of bottled up emotions is finally coming out, is it possible to be happy and sad at the same time? weird.