Notices

Day 15

Old 10-18-2005, 09:24 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: bayside. ny
Posts: 31
Day 15

I smoked pot every day from the age of 17, I am 34, 15 months ago I started taking vicodin, I have been clean over 2 weeks, this is what I realize.
When I was using I was numb, now I am feeling for the first time, I am realizing that when i started using I was an unhappy child, when pot came along, no more unhappy child.
Now, many years later, I have feelings again, my 5 year old nephew is having trouble in kindergarden with reading and paying attention, he sometimes gets the shakes and has some slight speech problems.
Now my nephews family (sister and her husband) lives very close to me (3 blocks) I have no children of my own and him and I have a very close and special relationship, we go to the movies, the toy store, out to eat or whatever, that boy is my blood and he adores his uncle.
Today he went to an mri, my sister said that, while in the waiting room, he turned to her and said he was scared, when hearing about this little event it really pushed a button in me.
I believe that, through him I am beginning to experiance some troubling childhood feelings, I have been kind of depressed, crying on occasion, it does not feel good, without the pot I have no barrier between myself and my emotions, it can be very painful, the strange thing is, there is not a single event or memory in my life that is triggering this, its just old feelings that werent there when I was using, I never used to feel happy, or sad, just high all the time, now I feel strange, like 17 years worth of bottled up emotions is finally coming out, is it possible to be happy and sad at the same time? weird.
singer is offline  
Old 10-18-2005, 09:43 PM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: pacific northwest
Posts: 45
Hi! yu are very strong and brave to start facing life without drugs. are you in a recovery program? It's really important that you are so that you are getting the necessary tools to deal with life w/o drugs. esp. if you have childhood issues that contributed to "self medicating"

congrats on a new life! mari
maricamp is offline  
Old 10-19-2005, 06:47 AM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Member
 
bikewench's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: western canada
Posts: 1,441
Hey Singer...

It was my experience in my recovery that... yes... I was developmentally challenged..

I was stuck at the point that I started using to numb as well...

and ....
I found that as my daughter grew up... I would be dragged face to face with my issues as they came up in her life...

I'm around 20 now.. ;o)
in a 50 year old bod.. lol

it's a growing thing...
and is the body and mind trying to right itself...

or that's my take on it anyway...

its good what your doing.. ;o)
bikewench is offline  
Old 10-19-2005, 06:53 AM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Administrator
 
Anna's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,331
Hi Singer,

I love what Bikewench said and I am in exactly the same position as she is.

I understand how it can be overwhelming to experience those feelings from way back when, that had been long buried. But, it's the only way to move forward and you will find peace before too long.
Anna is online now  
Old 10-19-2005, 08:19 AM
  # 5 (permalink)  
JUST DO IT!!
 
Luckyv2's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Here Or There
Posts: 7,612
(((((Stinger)))))

Congradulations on you 15 days that is totally awesome...I know in early recovery that feelings are not our best friends but give it some time and then you will be grateful that you can feel again...

Love Vic
Luckyv2 is offline  
Old 10-19-2005, 09:16 AM
  # 6 (permalink)  
REZ
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Chapel Hill, NC
Posts: 2,274
I had a lot of ups and downs early in recovery. You are right about pot: it basically numbed out most of the emotions I had. I also did not know how to deal with my emotions, since I had been stoned for so many years. Going to meetings, working the steps, talking to a sponsor and other people who recovering, helped me to deal all of these feelings.
REZ is offline  
Old 10-19-2005, 09:41 AM
  # 7 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: bayside. ny
Posts: 31
Thanks guys, i am glad there are people out there who understand, sometimes I feel like I am the only one in the world who feels this way.
singer is offline  
Old 10-19-2005, 10:33 AM
  # 8 (permalink)  
JUST DO IT!!
 
Luckyv2's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Here Or There
Posts: 7,612
Originally Posted by singer
Thanks guys, i am glad there are people out there who understand, sometimes I feel like I am the only one in the world who feels this way.
That is why we are here, we do know how each other feels at a given time because what we have are two things in common the disease and the recovery...I completely know how you feel I have been there and done that...

Love Vic
Luckyv2 is offline  
Old 10-19-2005, 02:15 PM
  # 9 (permalink)  
everything is already ok
 
nogard's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Melbourne Victoria Australia
Posts: 19,770
Hi Singer and welcome to SR, congrats on 15 days
nogard is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 05:32 AM.