ScottFromWI

That kind of depends on what how you define "reason". Your post is filled with contradicting ideas but that's very common for those of us who are actively addicted still - I did it for years. Some call it the "bargaining" stage - we keep trying to do the impossible - find a way to keep drinking without the consequences.

For me personally, acceptance was the answer. I had to fully and unconditionally accept that there is something different about me that will not allow me to drink alcohol without consequences. There's a lot of different formal ways of doing that via many different recovery methods, but at it's core I firmly believe the first step to getting sober HAS to be taken by the individual and that it is a choice they make to do so. And you can only do that if you are willing to accept that alcohol is simply not an option - ever.