and for the record i hate that i'm even here posting and freakign out to this level with almost 7 years sober. I almost feel like i'm only 6 or 7 months sober right now. which i suppose is better then day one thats for sure.
On the contrary, I really admire that you have have the humility to do this. Time was, I’d have way too much pride, and pride is a killer. Just because we have some sober time, doesn’t mean this stuff doesn’t happen any longer. In fact, I’m increasingly aware of anxiety, fear and all sorts I had no idea was there. And it’s part of the deal of living a sober life. The longer we go, the more likely, not less, that we’ll inevitably deal with trying situations, and find out a little more about who we are, and where we’re at…..self knowledge, one of the joys of recovery ;-)
And am with you on the medication front, unless it is your own physician’s advice, who knows you well, and can offer support as a managed and short term intervention. Other than that, it would be a no from me too, unless it was at a point where I couldn’t function. It sounds like a bad couple of days, but doesn’t sound like you’re there?
Have been following your most recent threads, and what strikes me is that the changes you’re confronting are not ones you’ve chosen? However much you didn’t enjoy your job, an imposed reality is way different than the fantasy of quitting a job. The fact that this is not actively chosen has the potential to be very stressful, so no surprise you feel very stressed by it.
Add to that suggestions by others, which may well be intended helpfully, but will do nothing for someone experiencing a racing mind. So, as you’ve expressed, boundaries and being really direct, but kind I have no hesitation in saying “I get that you mean well, and that you’re worried too, but right now, my head is too full to hear you. I can let you know when is a good time.” I use a lot of broken record too – I repeat the same thing over and over...it used to feel strange doing it, but it really does save coming up with a response I need to think about when it’s the last thing I feel able for, and those responses buy time. It;s not rude or dismissive, it’s honest.
It sounds like you’ve already begun to manage what is in your gift to manage. It is a tricky one if you feel you’re under pressure to pursue something you’re not that into, but there is the practicality of needing to make a living...something that is an absolute gem of wisdom, that was surely written for people with racy heads like us, is the AA Just for Today card. This one particularly fits, “just for today, I will try to live through this day only, and not tackle my whole life problem at once. I can do something for 12 hours that would appal me if I felt I had to keep it up for a lifetime” That card has got me through many a tense moment, have always loved it.
Keep on keeping on :-)