Pasture people,
Cow you is one smart cookie (but we knew that). From a fellow pasture member, your need to work at the quality level that people expect is almost always the precursor to coffee and then ......
Many of my friends are creatives and I have seen the stress to produce and what it can do to a person, and they don't have your challenges.
I am a lawyer, which has it own pressures to produce at a high level.
So here is what I think today. You can stop working but I think that would be hard for you. You can get a non-creative job, maybe even harder.
Or you could decide that you are good enough sober and caffeine-less and see how it goes. Because honestly, at this stage in our lives, why do we care so much what others think really??
I have a wonderful therapist and she says "take the easy way." Do it, but use all that brain power that I use trying to find the hardest way to do it, to do it the easy way.
What I find is that when I am trying to write something and it is hard, I get uncomfortable emotionally, so I stop doing it. As I have said, I think I missed the emotional resilience line. But now what I am trying to do, and it is working, is just keep going.
Even if the product is sh*t, which is never is, I have a daft to work with with enough time to -- shocker -- work with it.
I love Stephen King's book "On Writing" (though not a huge fan of his work -- too scary). He talks about learning to create sober.
I know for you the issue is caffeine too, which makes it so much harder. I know.
But rather than stop working, maybe first try to work without giving such a sh*t about everything and see how it goes. My work is much better since I tried it.
O, I hear you too. My work has been my life. I am good at it, I think I make a difference. But then my friend, who was better than me and made more of a difference, drops dead of blood poisoning for no reason at 65.
So now I am trying not to identify so much of myself with my work. Again, work in progress but its helping.
HE, my sweet, I hear you. I was a big wig partner at an international firm and for a variety of reasons left and went to this small firm full of people younger than I am who think they are hot shots.
And -- shocker -- they don't care what I think. And I took a more collateral role so lots of close door meetings etc.
In the begginign I hated it. Now, freedom. Cause at the end of the day, what does it matter.
We are all so much more than what we do for a living.
So my thought for Easter Monday, is keep working, but try not to give so much of a f*ck. It has really helped me.
As my Easter vow, I am going to do the Course in Circles if anyone wants to join. Not the book, just the daily lessons. My most grounded friends all swear by it, so I am going to try it.
Happy Easter Monday.