Originally Posted by
trailmix 
"he said he learned a lot about me that night and knows it was for the best"
That comment is just cruel and manipulative, in my opinion. Oh I found out what YOU are like so it's so much better we aren't in a relationship.
Really?
He found out you aren't going to put up with his drug use, that's what he found out and I would guess the only reason he even confessed before you moved in together is that he wouldn't be as good at hiding it as he has been and figured you would see it so he better confess.
Rigtht? I totally side-eyed that comment. It was SO something my ex would have said. Ugh.
I get so tired of the "It takes two to tango" line of thinking regarding relationships. Sure, no one's perfect, so when a relationship breaks down it's not entirely one person's fault. But when one person is an addict don't expect the other to accept 50% of the blame. This guy intentionally withheld information that could jeopardize your present and future. I don't know what your shortcomings are- maybe you make a crummy souffle? Let too much of your hair collect in the shower drain? NOT THE SAME LEVEL.
Seriously? The "now I know how
you really are" comment is emotional abuse.
But anyway. He's decided to keep doing cocaine, but he's going to limit himself by setting boundaries for himself, like only doing it occasionally. I hope I can come across gently in saying this, because I know so very well how difficult this is... but do you see any similarities between what he's doing with coke and what you're doing with this "friend zone" decision? What are the chances of him continuing to use moderately (if he's really doing that, which is doubtful), and what are the chances of you slowly and peacefully drifting apart and finding new partners? How do you think it might go if you do meet someone really great? How might he feel about your associating with a cocaine addict, much less a cocaine addict who you were once sexually involved with?
Please don't think what I'm saying is harsh. Remember it takes most abused women 7 tries before they are successful in leaving a relationship. When you are with an addict, you ARE in an abusive relationship. And almost every physically abused woman will tell you- the emotional abuse was what was worse. It's so difficult to break through that fog.
Many blessings. Again, please don't take this in the wrong way. I really hope you keep posting here. We can all learn so much from eachother.