From Elle: "It can be done. You have to decide what you want more....sanity....or utter and complete insane darkness. What are you willing to give up?"
That's it right there.
My exH wasn't an A, but I had perfectly recreated the DYNAMIC of my parents' alcoholic/codependent marriage. I had learned it so well. I am so lucky I got out of my marriage after only 7 years. I also lost a lot financially, but you know what, my peace of mind, my sanity, my normal household for the children, was all completely worth it 100%. No amount of material comfort or money is worth my sanity or happiness.
Take it one step at a time Silvertabby. Talk to a lawyer, make a plan. It will be tough but once you are in motion it is never as bad as the catastrophizing nonsense that rolls around in our heads! Think of your Future Self and how she will thank you for taking what you know are the correct steps now!
Glad you found this place - collectively we've seen everything.
Peace,
B.