Binge drinking weekends
Hi, I've lurked on these boards for a while, and have read quite a few of your stories. It's such a weird relief to know I'm not the only one in this situation, and how much it sucks.
A little backstory, I've been with my BF for nearly 3 years, when we met I had no idea what alcohol addiction entails basically - no one in my surroundings drinks heavily, some don't even drink at all, and the only person I knew who liked to drink was a grandparent whom I had only met twice in my entire life before he passed away - nor did I have a clue he was such a big drinker. To say I've had a rather rude awakening is an understatement.
We dated around for a bit, and somewhere along the way we moved in together. I had noticed once in a while he liked to drink, but it didn't set any alarms off. It wasn't until we were living together I learned the truth about how much he drinks in a week. In the past he hardly touched the stuff, but about 4-5 year ago his previous LDR ended and his beloved dog died shortly thereafter; he found himself alone, probably slightly depressed & unhappy with his situation, a job he hated, and no healthy way to cope. He basically turned to drinking.
We have fought plenty of times, and it has always been about his drinking. I've tried to explain to him how his drinking is affecting me and our relationship. How the alcohol is literally standing in between us, how he's there, but not really present. How his drunken state always ends the same, and how he doesn't really see or hear me. That I'm angry at him for choosing to drink, how there's always a reason for him to choose alcohol, but can't find any to really want to spend time with me...etc etc. All to no avail.
I did tell him early on his drinking was making me rather uncomfortable, but as he made no sign of slowing down my message became clearer and louder as time went on, it has slowly turned into a weekly thing. I have to admit, there are times where my anger can't be contained and I know it's neither healthy nor helpful. So I've been slowly detaching from him, like I refuse to be near him when he's that drunk.
For me to cope with the amount, I've started to mark down how much he drinks on a calendar. Not glasses, oh heavens no, full bottles of course. He doesn't hide his bottles, so it's easy enough to see how much he's consumed. He's often in denial about how much and how often he drinks, and while he really dislikes the calendar (it's somewhere out in the open for all to see), it is tangible and undeniable proof.
After the calendar showed I was not exaggerating his 7-days a week drinking, did he vow to stop drinking during the week. And the past 6+ months he's pretty much done that.
Now of course is the weekly binge weekends, which starts Friday after work and lasts until Sunday evening, basically just stopping right before he goes to sleep. It shouldn't come as a surprise I no longer enjoy our weekends together. Every weekend it's standard 6-8 bottles now, and I can't stand it.
This weekend I lost my temper badly, and said something really hurtful as I lashed out at him. It wasn't pretty, basically inexcusable and I do feel really bad about it, I knew I wanted to hurt him at that moment and that it was something he would hear. I was just so upset how he was acting, I couldn't contain it. It worked, it took a bit of bashing before he finally understood where I was coming from.
I know I lashed out because I wasn't being heard. I know I was angry at him for not listening to me, not now or the previous times.
I know I was wrong for being hurtful, and I'm rather ashamed of myself for doing so.
Whoops, I didn't mean for this post to be so long, I guess I really needed to get this off my chest! I'm still learning how to cope with this situation as I feel like I've been dropped into the deep end. How does one cope with binge drinkers? And does it ever get better?