Originally Posted by
wayforward 
...if I'm being honest, I'm afraid of what a meeting will be like. But I'm tired of this. I am ruining my life.
If you are more afraid of a meeting than ruining your life, you will only succeed in ruining your life.
There are recovery options besides AA. Even posting to SR is an option, but you didn't elect to do that before you drank.
If you are truly determined to quit drinking, you have to be willing to do whatever it takes to support that decision. You can't be half-way in.