wayforward

I hope everyone is well.

I don't want this to become like the movie Groundhog's Day, where I just keep repeating the same cycle. I know I have to just get back on the horse.

I'm sitting here, moderately withdrawing. Another few days gone by like a blur. I just don't understand. It feels like two different lives, the way I am while sober versus while drunk. The person I am while sober just disappears. I become detestable.

I don't think I can do this alone, but I also know that once I get a little traction while sober I immediately feel that I can handle things without a meeting. Probably because, if I'm being honest, I'm afraid of what a meeting will be like. But I'm tired of this. I am ruining my life.

Anna

I'm glad you're back. I hope you find something that works well for you so you can continue to move forward.

Coldfusion

Hello Wayforward!

I think many people have a hard time getting to their first meeting. You will find ordinary people there who can show you the extraordinary way to recovery. Take the first step--look up what meeting you will attend!

goodbyeevan

AA skeptic here. Meetings are often the highlight of my day now. I only attend a couple and I love them, even if I'm still a little nervous. When I first started, it took a while to find the ones I liked, the ones with enough women (men predominate many which is good if you're a male!), with enough young people, etc. I stopped going last year after I ran into some young women from the sober living facility at the gas station after the meeting. As I walked out carrying my six pack and saw them, I felt so ashamed.

Since then, I've come a long way. I no longer find relief in alcohol, just pain. I've got a sponsor and am working the steps. I read the big book and do a morning mediation from pages 86-87.

I highly recommend trying meetings. I sat there in silence, white knuckles, anxiety out of control, and found many sympathizing folk. They'd lean over after the meeting and whisper, "you made it!".

I hope you can find the right meetings for you, wayforward. You can do this and make it stick!

doggonecarl

If you are more afraid of a meeting than ruining your life, you will only succeed in ruining your life.

There are recovery options besides AA. Even posting to SR is an option, but you didn't elect to do that before you drank.

If you are truly determined to quit drinking, you have to be willing to do whatever it takes to support that decision. You can't be half-way in.

lessgravity

I second Good - AA is not a perfect fit for me, but the meetings are great. Even when they suck. It's just a bunch of people with similar sufferings who sit together for an hour then go and bear the brunt of the world on their own.

Nothing lost by going, only some insight and strength gained.

Way - you need a plan. Do you have one this time?

Part of my plan his time around is putting in the forefront of my mind the "whys" - all the things that I want to get away from that happen when I drink, all the things I want to move toward that disappear when I drink.

Welcome back. Good for you to post.

No one is coming to save us.

JayTee33

It's a good step that you're back here Wayforward. I agree that having a community or support structure that understands what you're going through is important. When I decided to commit to my recovery, I was pretty nervous and wary about meetings as well. I did some research and decided that Smart Recovery may work well for me. I was a bit freaked out to walk into my first meeting but it was totally worth it and between Smart Recovery meetings and SR the community aspect of my recovery so far has been instrumental in keeping me from drinking. There's so much wisdom, empathy, compassion and support, but also an aspect of accountability when you've got a group who's rooting for you. Best of luck!

Hawking22

I've been an alcoholic since before my first drink surely but an active one for 10 years. It took me 8 years to go to an AA meeting and that was only rehab induced. I wish I had gone SO much sooner!!! The miracle still hasn't happened for me yet but you will be with your people and learn so much about yourself. I assure you you will garner so much wisdom, insight, encouragement and most importantly the desire to be sober. Thank you for posting and being so honest. I'm only on Day 3, you're not alone! I learned that this is the toughest decision to make once we've awakened the beast; be proud of yourself for having that courage

Dee74

Its harder to come back from a relapse - you may have to do more than you did last time - but I do believe you can do this wayforward

D

Zebra1275

I knew I was an alcoholic 20 years before I attended my first AA meeting.

Over those years I tried to moderate and control my drinking. Alcoholism is progressive and eventually I reached a point where I was going to start losing things, like my marriage, my family, my health, etc.

I finally gave up and went to an AA meeting. At the end of the meeting I felt a great sense of relief. I discovered that many other people had the same drinking problems as me, but they had found a solution and were now sober and happy with their life.

I left that meeting thinking that I should have tried AA many years earlier.