Originally Posted by
FireSprite 
Well, I keep trying to win the lottery & I'm not succeeding so I must be doing something wrong.
To me - this isn't a philosophy, it's Wishful Thinking. Yes - I hope I win the lottery, but I'm not quitting my job or living my life as though I already have.
Trying does not guarantee success. "Trying" in a situation with active addiction where you have no control over the other person's behaviors or mindset can leave you further enmeshed & acting as an apologist to their dysfunction because you're so invested in their success/failure.
Every SINGLE success story I've every read on the F&F side of things (here & otherwise) contained one very important component - the codependent person taking charge of their OWN recovery first & playing a very minor character part in their qualifier's recovery. Across. The. Board.
ugg.
the comment that I made above:
One thing Ive been told is if a person keeps doing the same thing over and over, with poor results, then maybe there needs to be a change in what they are doing.
This is a philosophy about recovery that I find helpful as a family member: try, try, try, try, try, try, try, try,try, try, try, try,try, try, try, try,try, try, try, try, SUCCEED!
IS NOT ABOUT THE FAMILY MEMBER " TRYING" to help someone else who has an addiction. Nooooooo , not at all !
ITs about the PROCESS of RECOVERY from addictive substances, unhealthy habits, addictive behaviors for ANYONE. Yes, even us family members.
I feel the process is usually not so simple as I decide, I try to change, I succeed quickly. Sure it happens.. But more often than not its a matter of: I try, try, try, try, and during this process of trying I might seek out different resources for help if need be. I keep trying, and often that is when SUCCESS comes.
We as family members who deal with the symptoms of addiction, unacceptable behaviors in our partners. Even though "they" may be on the path to change, trying to change. We cant always continue to be part of it. It depends on how it affects us, depends on the severity of the problems.
For me its important to have a realistic view of how "change" happens in general.