Chucktown......I think we can all relate to how you must be feeling....
If she isn't "there" yet...she isn't there, yet. (you can guess that I am talking about Step 1).
You know, by now...the 3 Cs...
--didn't Cause it/can't Cure it/can't Control it---
I suspect that you already have a pretty good idea of what you have to do.....
Thankfully you have a good program and you are going to go to CODA....and, you know to protect your sobriety above all.....
a question---do you think that your presence is enabling her is ways that you are not even aware of?
We have several men on this forum, right now, who are in similar situations, that I am sure will be along to share with you....