Sounds like your alcoholism has advanced and given you a head's up that it is now a serious consideration - choices of healing or destruction. It can get a whole lot easier on yourself when, at your crossroads, you follow the path your heart engages in choosing. I think you have a keen and thoughtful mind, you know which way you want to travel. Many blessing being sent your way. Don't listen to your AV, ignore, you've got a deeper sense of what you need to do.