Originally Posted by ScaryTime

I am almost in exactly the same position. I care deeply for my AH (a little over three months sober) however I don’t feel it’s the right relationship for me at this point. I am proud of him as well. However I am constantly on guard around him and have to daily define what empathy is...which defining empathy to someone that has none is virtually impossible.
He is still manipulative and tells me things like “you know the kids (my adult step children), tell me that our marriage issues are not my fault, but I tell them that I was an a$$, but they are still taking my side”. Seriously? Wtf? If he was changing his outlook and committed to our marriage why would he tell me that (even if it were true and I strongly believe that it’s not true)? Why? To be manipulative and because at the end of the day he is still an a$$, and doesn’t care about me as a person just wants to ensure nothing happens to his stays quo - I am the primary bread winner...
I am waiting to file until this summer though just to make sure that I am not acting rashly...
but I do agree, you will know, I still have a small doubt but am quite positive our marriage will not survive. 😪 and that does break my heart but I want to live my life for me not carry him through life and have to constantly be on guard for the manipulation and gas lighting that goes on.