I went through a loooong process of ending things w/XAH--After finding out that he'd been only pretending to go to AA meetings for 4 years (yes, 4 years!) while continuing to drink, I came here. A year and a half later, I filed for divorce, then converted that to a legal separation b/c I needed health insurance and he was willing to let me stay on his.
Three months after that, the legal separation went through, but we continued to live in the same house. We'd been married for 19 years and I really, really did NOT want things to end.
Three months after that, he confessed that he'd NEVER stopped drinking for more than a day or two. I finalized the divorce. He moved into the upstairs flat of my house, separate entrance, own kitchen, bathroom, etc.
Six months after THAT, he was apparently the victim of a hit-and-run accident down at the mailbox. I drove him to the ER, where he was diagnosed w/5 broken ribs and a shattered elbow--and a blood alcohol level that, at the time he was hit, would have been enough to render a normal person unconscious.
He spent several days in the hospital. During this time, I turned things over in my mind. He was never sloppy drunk, and in fact it was very difficult to tell if he'd even been drinking, so this was the very first time I'd actually gotten FACTS concerning just how drunk he was on a regular basis. Drunk enough that he would still have had a significant level of alcohol in his blood every morning when he went to work, as a matter of fact! Suddenly I had a whole new understanding of an awful lot of things and was no longer willing to accept them.
When he was discharged, I picked him up from the hospital and told him in the car on the way home that he had 1 month to pack up his stuff and get moved out. And he did that.
So my answer to your question is that you'll know when you know. Not very helpful, I'm afraid, but trust yourself. You are smarter, stronger and braver than you know.