I don't want to sit here and worry. I don't want to feel this sad and angry. I'm updating this forum in real time as it's happening to me. And it's overwhelming how I feel at the moment.
It's been a short amount of time for our "relationship," but I've known this guy and his sister since we were kids. Near 20 years. I just reconnected with him and it felt good to look back on and have great memories. I don't want what I'm feeling right now to be the last memory.
I'm so scared and so hurt. I'm not trying to be different or think that my situation is. I didn't mean to get defensive. I want to stop feeling helpless.
It is very overwhelming, heart breaking, soul sucking, and soooo defeating. ((MORE HUGS))) You aren't the only one here who's sat at work bawling here, and you aren't alone in any of this.
Knowing him previously and then reconnecting doesn't change anything, and you don't have any control over what your last memory of him is going to be. I have the quote below in my signature here to remind me of that OFTEN!
Who knows what the future holds...ideally, he'll call you after a couple years of recovery - a happy, healthy individual. You can hope for that without dumping your whole being into trying to get him there.
There are a couple books (Codependent No More, and the Language of Letting go) that are brilliant - and the stickies portion of this site is pure wisdom.
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...potential.html (Potential) https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...c-reading.html (Classic Reading)
The Language of Letting Go is a daily passage reader, and what do you know....here is today's - seems like its just for you today.
MARCH 9
You are reading from the book "The Language of Letting Go."
Taking Care of Ourselves
We cannot simultaneously set a boundary and take care of another person's feelings. It's impossible; the two acts contradict.
What a tremendous asset to have compassion for others! How difficult that same quality can make it to set boundaries!
It's good to care about other people and their feelings; it's essential to care about ourselves too. Sometimes, to take good care of ourselves, we need to make a choice.
Some of us live with a deeply ingrained message from our family or from church about never hurting other people's feelings. We can replace that message with a new one, one that says it's not okay to hurt ourselves. Sometimes when we take care of ourselves, others will react with hurt feelings.
That's okay. We will learn, grow and benefit by the experience; they will too. The most powerful and positive impact we can have on other people is accomplished by taking responsibility for ourselves and allows others to be responsible for themselves.
Caring works. Caretaking doesn't. We can learn to walk the line between the two.
Today, I will set the limits I need to set. I will let go of my need to take care of other people's feelings and instead take care of my own. I will give myself permission to take care of myself, knowing it's the best thing I can do for others and myself.