Originally Posted by
ScottFromWI 
I would say the wheels fell off a long time ago and you are down to the frame with the engine dragging on the road to be honest Drillbit. As Carl mentions, you've been here many times before and pretty much posted the same thing- that things are out of control but that you have a plan to "taper down" and then get serious about it. Go back and look at your post history if you need a reminder.
I don't say that to shame you or single you out, most of us have been there and done the same thing. I do say it to point out that if you really want change you will have to take serious action. Tapering down is not going to work, it didn't work before and it won't work now.
In regards to your health concerns, you also mention that you I "just can't deal with it right now". When do you plan on dealing with it then? Again - not calling you out but trying to point out that you are listening to your addiction, not the part of your mind that knows the right thing to do.
I understand what your saying and don't worry I haven't taken it personally. The problem is I don't feel ready to quit, I have quit several times before and there was a moment where I just decided like a switch had been flicked. I don't feel like that this time which I think must be because the antidepressants I am taking, they make the living hell a bit more tolerable.
The only way I can cope at the moment is by drinking, unfortunately the things I am coping with are mainly drink related but I still have that mentality and thus the vicious cycle continues. The thing is I know I have to quit, it's only a matter of time before things get worse, something bad happens and inevitably the health problems.