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Old 03-08-2018, 07:52 AM   #1 (permalink)
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I'm absolutely terrified

I feel so anxious that I don't want to talk to anyone but I'll try. I've been drinking everyday for almost 10 years. The consumption has slowly gone up as time has gone by. Over the last year it has gone up significantly and I have started drinking some mornings.

I've just come off a week long bender drinking round the clock, it ended at 6am on Wednesday. I feel like my bodies damaged, I'm drinking lots of water and it just goes straight through me. I also have a constant dry mouth which will not go, I have back pain, bruising on my hip.

I'm terrified that I've finally done some serious harm but I don't want to go to the doctors because I would have to come clean with my family. I can't deal with that shame on top of everything else right now
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Old 03-08-2018, 08:06 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Iím glad youíre here drillbit! Stay close! I do, and it helps A TON!
The dr and the family may seem more doable after a few days sober. You can get there. You will certainly feel better without the drink.
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Old 03-08-2018, 08:08 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Welcome back to SR Drillbit. Anxiety is very, very common during withdrawals - especially after a long bender. If you feel you've got physical issues related to your drinking, seeing the doc is really what you need to do.

I was in a very similar situation, and I can tell you with 100 percent certainty that your family knows. Your addiction would love you to think that they aren't aware, but they know - trust me.

Don't let shame get in the way of getting the help you need - alcoholism is a very common issue and your doctor will know how to help.
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Old 03-08-2018, 08:11 AM   #4 (permalink)
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I'm terrified that I've finally done some serious harm but I don't want to go to the doctors because I would have to come clean with my family. I can't deal with that shame on top of everything else right now

thats understandable. however, if youve been drinking like you say youve been drinking for as long as you say you have, wouldnt your family have a bit of a notion of whats been going on?

theres no shame in getting help
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Old 03-08-2018, 08:11 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Going to the docs would be a great idea. Alcoholism is something that gets nothing but worse over time, and the sooner you quit, the better.
I'm not sure why going to the docs would make you have to share anything with your family or anyone else, medical records are between you and your doc.
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Old 03-08-2018, 08:11 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Ditto with what Scott said. Don't let fear stand in the way of getting the help you need and possibly saving your life. The anxiety certainly sounds like withdrawal. Do you have someone that can stay with you?
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Old 03-08-2018, 08:27 AM   #7 (permalink)
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I really hope you don't try to sober up on your own, especially with that amount of drinking. It would be a lot easier and much safer to either go to an ER or see your doctor. As was said before, your family probably knows you have a drinking problem. Pretty hard to drink that much and your family not knowing anything about it.
TBH, admitting yourself into a detox facility would be the best thing you could do right now. It's a tough decision, but you wouldn't regret it. Take care. John
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Old 03-08-2018, 08:53 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Thank for the replies, they really help.

The problem is they don't know the extent of it, I live with parents and spend most of the time drinking in my room (that sounds so pathetic actually writing it) I hide all of the bottles and unless they smell it I'm pretty good at hiding it. But yes they do think there's an issue with drinking just don't know the severity, things are getting more out of control though in general at home, work, relationships... The wheels are starting to fall off.

Ive been to the doctor about my drinking before so he's aware of the problem, I'm just worried that if there was something sinister I would have to tell them. I just can't deal with it right now, I think part of it is fuelled by the anxiety.

I cut down to my normal level of drinking yesterday and today I'm planning on halfing that today, I just need to get into a bit more of a stable place so I can make a proper plan.
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Old 03-08-2018, 09:10 AM   #9 (permalink)
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I cut down to my normal level of drinking yesterday and today I'm planning on halfing that today, I just need to get into a bit more of a stable place so I can make a proper plan.
You previous post to SR included a plan to taper. It apparently didn't work then. What is going to be different this time?

My suggestion: see your doctor, detox under medical supervision. Any anxiety you have now about your parents finding out the extent of your problem is going to be minor compared to the anxiety you'll feel if you wake up in the hospital one day because your binging.
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Old 03-08-2018, 10:56 AM   #10 (permalink)
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.. The wheels are starting to fall off.
.
I would say the wheels fell off a long time ago and you are down to the frame with the engine dragging on the road to be honest Drillbit. As Carl mentions, you've been here many times before and pretty much posted the same thing- that things are out of control but that you have a plan to "taper down" and then get serious about it. Go back and look at your post history if you need a reminder.

I don't say that to shame you or single you out, most of us have been there and done the same thing. I do say it to point out that if you really want change you will have to take serious action. Tapering down is not going to work, it didn't work before and it won't work now.

In regards to your health concerns, you also mention that you I "just can't deal with it right now". When do you plan on dealing with it then? Again - not calling you out but trying to point out that you are listening to your addiction, not the part of your mind that knows the right thing to do.
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Old 03-08-2018, 11:38 AM   #11 (permalink)
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I would say the wheels fell off a long time ago and you are down to the frame with the engine dragging on the road to be honest Drillbit. As Carl mentions, you've been here many times before and pretty much posted the same thing- that things are out of control but that you have a plan to "taper down" and then get serious about it. Go back and look at your post history if you need a reminder.

I don't say that to shame you or single you out, most of us have been there and done the same thing. I do say it to point out that if you really want change you will have to take serious action. Tapering down is not going to work, it didn't work before and it won't work now.

In regards to your health concerns, you also mention that you I "just can't deal with it right now". When do you plan on dealing with it then? Again - not calling you out but trying to point out that you are listening to your addiction, not the part of your mind that knows the right thing to do.
I understand what your saying and don't worry I haven't taken it personally. The problem is I don't feel ready to quit, I have quit several times before and there was a moment where I just decided like a switch had been flicked. I don't feel like that this time which I think must be because the antidepressants I am taking, they make the living hell a bit more tolerable.

The only way I can cope at the moment is by drinking, unfortunately the things I am coping with are mainly drink related but I still have that mentality and thus the vicious cycle continues. The thing is I know I have to quit, it's only a matter of time before things get worse, something bad happens and inevitably the health problems.
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Old 03-08-2018, 11:52 AM   #12 (permalink)
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The problem is I don't feel ready to quit

The thing is I know I have to quit,
You just typed both of those sentences in the same post....think about that for a minute.

All the other stuff is really kind of secondary to this conundrum - and it's the same one each of us faced. You know you have to quit, but you don't want to. I didn't want to either.

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it's only a matter of time before things get worse, something bad happens and inevitably the health problems.,
You pretty much said this exact same thing almost 2 years ago in the post below. How much more time are you going to wait or how bad will it have to get do you think? You were scared then - and terrified now...what will it take to get you to make changes do you think?

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...so-scared.html (I'm so scared)
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Old 03-08-2018, 11:52 AM   #13 (permalink)
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I'm terrified that I've finally done some serious harm but I don't want to go to the doctors because I would have to come clean with my family. I can't deal with that shame on top of everything else right now
As the others have said, "your family probably already knows" or for sure, suspects. Your visit to your doctor, however, would be only between you and your doctor. Is there a way for you to get there and talk to your doctor without your parents knowing? After you're feeling better, you can talk with your parents.
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Old 03-08-2018, 11:56 AM   #14 (permalink)
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Welcome back!

It sounds like you are completely stuck in the cycle. You don't want to quit drinking because you are afraid to deal with the fallout. But, all the fallout is due to your drinking. If you stop drinking, completely, the anxiety will ease up and you will be able to manage.
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Old 03-08-2018, 11:13 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Hi and welcome back drillbit

I was terrified too - it was good to be around people who understood. Glad you're back

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Old 03-09-2018, 02:57 AM   #16 (permalink)
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Thanks guys,

I stuck to 8 units yesterday, woke up multiple times in the night with my sheets completely soaked in sweat. I'm abit shaky this morning which I've never really experienced before but I feel positive and it was good to go to sleep pretty much sober.

The plan is to keep consumption low for the next few days which I'm confident I can do, I've got some things planned for the weekend where I can make sure I'm driving. Then make a proper recovery plan for next week.
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Old 03-09-2018, 06:47 AM   #17 (permalink)
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Then make a proper recovery plan for next week.
this will help

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...very-plan.html (What exactly is a recovery plan?)
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Old 03-09-2018, 06:56 AM   #18 (permalink)
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Then make a proper recovery plan for next week.
So yesterday you were terrified and now you are going to wait until next week to make a "proper" recovery plan? I think your intentions are likely good here Drillbit, but you are in denial about the gravity of your situation. Drinking 8 units is still binge drinking, so you were nowhere even close to "sober" when you slept last night. And the fact that you are feeling off this morning after only drinking 8 drinks is a pretty clear sign that you have some pretty serious physical dependence on alcohol. I'd strongly suggest you see a doctor or a detox professional to find out a way to quit safely.
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Old 03-09-2018, 08:04 AM   #19 (permalink)
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Welcome back, Drillbit. As others already have, I urge you to see your doctor; withdrawals can be managed and can be made a lot more comfortable. With as much as you are drinking I believe detox would be your best choice. I needed lots of help to quit and had seizures during detox that could've been fatal if I hadn't been under medical supervision. Your parents (and us) want you alive, happy and healthy and you needn't be ashamed to seek help. Wishing you all the best on your sober journey.
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Old 03-27-2018, 04:37 PM   #20 (permalink)
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Just thought I'd up date this thread.

Just after my last post I went back to the doctors, had a bit of a break down and he told me it was the worst that he'd seen me. We didn't have long to talk but he asked me to try taking the nalmafene he previously prescribed and gave me a prescription for vitamins and thiamine.

I carried on drinking for 2 weeks going in cycles of cutting down and then breaking and going on a bender, some of the worst I've been on. Last Friday I was once again terrified, feeling like crap and called in sick to work. In desperation I took the nalmafene, I think it probably made me feel even worse including having insomnia all night, the good thing was I only had a bottle of wine which is a lot less than usual.

On Saturday I was feeling a bit better and was without hangover. I had a decision to make, whether to take another nalmafene knowing it would make me feel even worse or taper and quit using my own will power, I chose the latter.

On Saturday I had 3 beers, on Sunday I had 2 beers, yesterday I had 1 beer and in half an hour is my first day sober. So far so good, very little in the way off withdrawals. Finally I want to be sober more than I want to drink, I'm trying to view quitting as a positive rather than a negative and focusing on how much better life will be with out alcohol.

Going to get som sleep now, night all!
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