There are many roads to sobriety. To me what was important was to have a plan to sobriety and the help of other addict/alcoholics who were also on the road to recovery, the specifics of which are solely what works for me. It's crucial to have a plan and not try to go it alone, but there are many paths there...12 Step does not have the monopoly on recovery. We have a whole secular recovery forum here that talks about different methods like SMART and AVRT. Check it out if you haven't already. There are medical resources, psychotherapy, inpatient and outpatient rehab, Refuge Buddhist/meditation based groups...etc. etc. etc.
12 Step is the oldest, largest and most widely used method, but that doesn't mean it's the best for you.
As far as AA goes, there are suggestions but not rules. If you want to work a program your own way, I think that's valid. I've known a number of people who've used meetings as a tool in their recovery toolkit without working the steps and stayed sober, and people who have decided that 12 Step wasn't for them and still remained sober, as long as they remained committed to sobriety and worked some kind of program other than AA.
Investigate, find a method that works for you, and stick with it and modify as necessary as you go along. Do what works for you...incidentally, not to please your husband. You gotta do what you gotta do, and he'll get on board or he won't.
I'm not in the slightest knocking AA/12 Step. It's a method that works for a lot of people, and works for many if they follow all of the suggested methods. Personally I found the concept of Step 1, the concept of service to help other addict/alcoholic, and the self-discovery gleaned from doing the 4th Step (which I'm doing with a therapist rather than with a sponsor in AA) to be very important to me. I never "worked" Step 1, it just kind of happened to me in rehab, and it hit me like a ton of bricks that I couldn't control my drinking and as long as I tried to drink and use "in moderation," I would end up back in rehab. However, if AA works for you on some level, I wouldn't dismiss the usefulness of working the steps with a sponsor out of hand without some investigation.
Just do SOMETHING formal. I believe that just saying "I'm going to stay sober" and trying to gut it out with willpower alone is a miserable place to be and usually doesn't work long term.
Good luck. Keep asking questions on SR. It's a tool in my sobriety kit for sure.