I'm terrified that I've finally done some serious harm but I don't want to go to the doctors because I would have to come clean with my family. I can't deal with that shame on top of everything else right now
thats understandable. however, if youve been drinking like you say youve been drinking for as long as you say you have, wouldnt your family have a bit of a notion of whats been going on?
theres no shame in getting help