You said that drinking gave you social anxiety but I would bet that was there long before you ever drank. I can only speak from my own experience but as a little kid I was hugely anxious and a perpetual worrier. At age 14 I had my first beer. Something switched in my brain and I was now able to be a part of the crew, talk to girls, be cool etc. Thing is, I've been drinking longer than I didn't so its hard to remember what it was like before alcohol. The little kid is now exposed again and it sucks!!!