Hey there, 25 years old and I’m and Alcoholic
Hey everyone.
My name is Michael and I’m an alcoholic.
I grew up with Generalized Anxiety Disorder, self medicating with cigarettes and marijuana since I was 15.
I never drank alcohol, due to my dad having cirrhosis of the liver, until I was 23 years old.
Since then I’ve been progressively getting worse with my drinking.
Weed always seemed to make my anxiety worse for a span of 30 minutes or so but then made me feel okay once the trip stopped.
It wasn’t until I drank alcohol that I found peace at last!
At first it was drinking a shot of tequila every few days or so.
It then progressed to splitting a bottle with friends in a healthy manner every other day.
It then progressed to drinking 3 shots of tequila every night with friends.
Then 3 shots every night alone.
Then day drinking became apart of my life taking maybe 3-5 shots during the day and 3 at night.
Then it continued on and on to basically me drinking 12-15 shots of tequila a day, throughout my day, everyday.
That was throughout the last 2 years and for the last year it’s been that 12-15 shots a day.
I stopped drinking excessively in October of 2017.
Only drinking maybe 2-5 shots a day to cope.
November of 2017-January of 2018 we’re so great for me.
I was drinking maybe 6-8 times a month, finally getting everything in check.
Today is February 28th, 2018 and I’m back in the daily drinking mode.
I’ve always been a great functional alcoholic, which I’m really ashamed to say, so I’m able to play it off at work/Home basically to the point where no one knows what’s going on.
No one else does BUT I DO.
I really hate myself for getting back into drinking.
I know I have a problem, I know I need to stop, I know I’m gonna die if I keep it up.
My tolerance is dangerous.
I convince myself I’m fine then I drink, then I regret it.
I’m too young to die, I don’t want this to be my end. As I type this, I’m buzzed.
I can’t find a soulution and at this point my drunkenness and anxiety rule my life.
I drink to calm my anxiety, I get anxious because I drink.
It’s such a vicious cycle and I’m crying as I type this
Please someone, anyone help me.
My life is a wreck.
I have such a great support system (a family that cares) but I’ve been so good at manipulating them, they have no clue as to what’s going on and I’m too ashamed to admit it.
Is it too late for me?
Please