Hi Waxfruit
If rehab is, for whatever reason, really not viable for you - then you have to look at other options - seeing your doctor or a counsellor, outpatient rehab, meeting based groups like AA SMART or Lifering.
I didn't 'do' rehab and many of us here didn't.
What I did do was 100% commit to not drinking mot just mentally but in action too:
Those medical things I self medicated for I had to find other ways of dealing with.
I had to change my life style and my ideas of relaxation.
I had to find new healthier ways of dealing with emotions and situations I felt uncomfortable in.
Its a big job - which is why most people find support helpful - but you have a great well sporing of support here - why not come back and use ithat as a first step?
There's a new Class of March support thread just started - you could get in on the ground floor
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...-part-one.html (Class Of March 2018 Support Thread - Part One)
D