Update -
Sparing everyone the details, my niece asked me if my husband was unhappy with her being with us.
Basically, yes - and if she wanted it different, we should talk. also said I thought she was living there all on her own terms and that it didn't feel very good to us.
Result: defensiveness, retreat to room, no progress, accusations, I'm causing her to be depressed. blah blah blah
And - If I hear another hair brained business scheme, my head will blow up - now she is "partnering" with some ***** in another state who wants to do enlightenment workshops in Thailand. - she can't even tell how insane that sounds.
I guess I am getting my answers.
I am tempted to write all the crazy stuff surrounding this, but after 14 years of this, I just don't have the energy.
At least I am gaining clarity - thanks for listening