HardLessons - thank you so much for your reply.
I think I have been coming to the same conclusions and my husband and I are getting ready to make a change in this situation. We have been sitting with what to do and I think we have both come to the conclusion that there really is nothing we can do to truly help her because she does not want to live in reality. And us allowing that drains us and distracts her from the work she has to do to become healthy.
I've been in this same place with her before, but it was easier because the problem was so obvious and in my face. This time it is more subtle - she hasn't been arrested, and she does not appear out-and-out psychotic. But I think this is just another phase of the addiction process - where both she and I are "bargaining" with the disease.
She is dancing around recovery and in a way I think I am too - hoping that I won't have to do the hard thing.
Your post gives me some needed clarity and I have the sense that putting things off is just prolonging the agony.
thanks so much for your thoughtful reply. It is a big help.