Wow that is so scary. No wonder you’re overwhelmed and tired. I hope you can keep your kid away from your XAH because that could’ve turned out so much different. When my RAH was still drinking he was really into going to the shooting range a lot and would clean is guns after. He wasn’t always sober either....one day he was cleaning his gun and showing it to my then barely 6 year old and telling her how he would teach her about guns and they could go shoot together sometime. I was very annoyed she was even down there while he was cleaning his guns. She came up and told me what he had said and she had agreed because she was afraid not to. I told her she didn’t have to do anything she didn’t want to do if it made her scared and she could just tell him, Luckily this happened right before vacation and a few weeks after I told him he needed to get clean or I was gone (which he did) . I told him later (i think in my cost letter during rehab) that that really pissed me off for multiple reasons. He got it and was sorry. That was enough to scare me and **** me off. Your situation is so so much scarier and worse. And poor kid. I’m glad he told you anyway and I hope he still feels good about doing that.
Good luck with all the craziness surrounding this. No wonder you want to run away, I would too. Be strong for your kid but no one says you can’t just go have a good cry/breakdown in private (although I supposes there is nothing wrong with having your kid see your emotions to a certain degree). Do something nice for yourself to help you take your mind of things. Hopefully this will get sorted out sooner than later without too much mor emotional upheaval for both you and your kiddo