Hi Ghoster
Tough talk time mon frere.
I was drunk so often, it got so I kinda liked wallowing in my own despair.
In its own way that self loathing was addictive too.
You already have basically all the tools you need to get sober and stay that way.
You could spend more decades working out why you're not using them, or you could just ..use them. Consistently and honestly.
Responding to every addictive thought with positive and thorough action.
Slowly by every good decision, you could turn things around.
Thats the way I did it.
Hard work for sure, and with less of an immediate payoff.
Not as much attention as an anguished relapse either. I was a diva before I came into recovery - a Olivier of Anguish - I both loved the attention - and hated that I needed it so much.
But I stayed sober and addiction free and worked hard on myself...I grew, I changed and I got more self reliant.
I learned to love and value my sober life and the sober me.
Give it a red hot go, man. 100%.
D