Originally Posted by
Ghoster18 
Seems to me I just like killing myself too much!
Probably not.
I know where you get that, though. I thought the same about myself for years.
My logic chain was:
Drinking is destroying my life.
I keep drinking.
Therefore, I MUST want my life to be destroyed.
It wasn't true, though. I didn't want to destroy my life. I wanted to be able to drink without any side effects. I was willing to risk the side effects to get my buzz, but I wasn't
seeking the side effects. In fact, I took many steps to cover up my side effects. (like hiding, rotating stores, pretending I wasn't massively hungover, etc.)
It actually helped me stay a slave to my addiction to believe I had some fatal self-destructive flaw that couldn't be fixed. Why try to fix the unfixable?
I wasn't a victim of some defect that made destroying myself inevitable. I was making breathtakingly bad decisions because I was addicted to alcohol.
That puzzle can be solved.
All of us against the addiction.
Get back in the fight.
You can do this!
