Hi,
I understand what you are saying. I almost died from anorexia. I was hospitalized at 60 lbs. I lost my hair, I grew a weird coat of hair on my body. I would bang my head on a wall and lay in a road hoping someone would run over me. Anorexia has the highest mortality rate of any illness. In the hospital I realized I had a life or choice decision I had to make. Live and fight the anorexia or give in to it and die. I chose to live and it wasn't easy. It was a long battle but I am happy to say I am now at a normal weight and have been for a very long time.
I kind of see drinking the same way. I have to decide to be sober or give in to it and suffer the consequences. Last year a friend of mine, 44 years old, died of alcoholism. I watched him go. He had opportunities to get sober but he did not or could not take them.
These are two tough battles. I just want to say I wish you the very best and your life is worth fighting for.