Here, I turned this around and it makes more sense now:
I don't maintain sobriety
[And] I just keep succumbing
This is a deep and brutal illness disorder disease
When the ship is sinking, I don't try to repaint it first...first I put on a drysuit and get into the lifeboat. The reasons why it sank are not important if I'm dead with a bucket of paint in my hand.
Ghoster, you are like us. You have an addiction or six.
The way out is to quit them then you can start to unravel the backstory. It doesn't work the other way 'round.
Glad you're back. Call your sponsor, ya know? All this gets sorted out when you work the 12 Steps.