Stages of awareness
I see different stages of awareness here on this site. Or maybe these are my own stages which is why I see them everywhere.
1. Meet a new person. No idea he’s an A. He’s fun, lively, exciting, charming, funny. I’m Infatuated.
2. The relationship begins. See red flags, ignore them. No boundaries in place. In love.
3. More red flags appear. Start asking questions. Is this drinking normal? Why does he do this? Start researching. Find SR.
4. Relationship progresses. Realize things are bothering me. The hurricane is starting to whirl. I cry a lot. I have headaches. We fight about his drinking. He makes a lot of promises.
5. Nothing changes. I go to Al Anon, get a counselor, read SR more. I want out but I feel stuck. Keep hoping for change.
6. Know I must get out. He will not change. I must change. Agony. Sleeplessness. Try al Anon principles. So much work.
7. I decide to leave. Start making plans. Flip flop. Should I stay or should I go?
8. He does that one crappy thing I can’t handle and I cut the cord. Break up.
9. I Feel strong! Feel proud! Clean my house!! Go in a diet! I’m free!
19. Wait. Did I make a mistake? He apologizes. Flip flop. Ok. No. Ok. No. Serious stress here!
20. Realize I have to go no contact. It’s hard but I do it. Sadness. Loneliness. Loss of a dream.
21. Healing begins. True self care begins.
Well, I have been through these stages 3 times with 3 different ABF. I am so done this time!!
Do these look familiar? What stage are you on?