Originally Posted by
hearthealth 
Big verbal argument tonight. Children are at sleep overs. He said it was smart a** giving him an ultimatum. Throwing some out right lies out there. The problem is me not him. If I would just be happier (and more agreeable) I wouldn't have a problem.
Then it turned to financial separation of our income. Him holding all the money and I will struggle financially if I divorce him. Throwing out there my parents divorce which he knows nothing about so it was scare tactic lies. Lies, manipulation and scare tactics.
My head is spinning. I can't believe some of the things that came out of his head. Now i can't sleep.
HH, do not let him browbeat you. As someone wrote A don't have people they love, they have hostages and you are his hostage right now.
What you need to do is start making a plan to live life with your kids without him.
I know you are worried about the finances. The first thing to do is either get more education (this is what I did, it took many years but now I have a good job with pay and could rent my own place, pay for my car etc if needs be). Also go and see a lawyer as to what your options are. He is still responsible for the kids and for you too. I know you are worried that he might decide to fall off the wagon, lose his job etc.
Many of us have heard the same threats when we said we would leave.
I was told
1. You will have nothing without me, you will end up like your mother alone and in a bedsit with nothing (incidentally my mother is very happy being alone!)
2. I will simple sell off everything and let you all go to hell and travel the world
3. I will drink myself to oblivion
blah blah blah
At that time I was powerless, I knew I had to get my kids out of the house and educated. However, he had an attitudeI hadn't worked for many years, but went back to uni part time, worked part time got more qualifications. Now I am no longer so dependent on him and he knows I can walk any time I want. It surely changed his attitude big time. You can do the same, just live for your plan to escape. Ask close friend/family member to help you, bounce ideas of them. I had a close friend to talk to. You can do this.