Originally Posted by
Madlovelily81 
I hate the fact that you still have control over my head. if in ask you a question about your cheating I expect for you to answer. I think I have the right to ask don't I? you expect me to wait until your on your 4 and 8 step. during that time I gonna act like nothing? I'm sorry I just can't!
This was/is my take on it too. I was not willing to wait until she was ready to come clean with me... why would i want old wounds reopened. I gave my wife an ultimatum the first week she was in rehab.... come clean to me about what you have done.. or we were done. My wife knew I was serious... she agreed to tell me (against the advice of her therapist). I wasn't interested in the dirty little details, but a general idea of what she had been doing/done. It helped me immensely... and was very difficult for her... but she was in a safe place where she was able to work thru the shame, hurt, guilt, etc...
Please understand, that i was prepared to walk away without knowing, but i was also willing to continue working on us if she told me something that was truly offensive actionwise... it was only fair.