Sat in my first AA meeting in 1998, went to rehab in 2001, and stopped drinking in 2015. 17 years of failure!! How crazy. Never mind though we get there in the end as long as we don't stop tying to stop. Complete and utter acceptance of my illness, and a recovery plan that I repeat every day without fail is what I had / have to do. As you said I needed to do things to get the negative energy out of me, so I walk and walk and walk. Not to go anywhere, I just need to walk. Physical exercise and a desire to be as healthy as I can be is part of what keeps me going. Good luck.