Realizing How Huge His Problem Is
Just got a call from the A bfriend/ex-bfriend (no idea what to call him at this point). Has been a week since I've heard from him while in Sober Living and frankly was not expecting to hear from him again. Was very conflicted on whether or not to answer but I decided to given our last exchange was him reaching out to me to try to explain how he was feeling. Maybe I was "caving", I don't know ...
He was leaving a meeting walking back to his house. We talked for an hour. Aside from when I first answered and him asking me "what are you doing?" not once did he ask me how I was or how was my day, etc. ... but I was OK with that. I asked how he was and he started on. He was frustrated, angry, sounding aggressive, a bit hostile, tho the direction wasn't toward me as I felt it was in the beginning when he first went in.
Started telling me tidbits as to what's been happening with him. Told me he only got a Sponsor 2 days ago and how that was a frustrating process finding someone to completely trust (for some reason I thought he already had one, my mistake); told me about the meeting tonight he was in and how he was so frustrated and aggravated that while a speaker was up that the people sitting who were supposed to be listening were too busy texting on their phones, walking out for smoke breaks, etc. (which irritated him because he thought disrespectful, and yes he's due to start anger management classes soon because he does have a problem with that); told me about how his house bedroom roommate has a major snoring problem and how he rarely sleeps at night and winds up on the couch most nights; told me how his grandmother called him and he was short with her, didn't know what to say to her because he's so out of sorts and felt bad about that. I reminded him of how I really didn't know what to say to him when he was calling me from rehab and that he shouldn't feel bad at all. There were a few other things, all these things that were setting him off. Not himself, this is definitely not the same guy I knew but then but then again the guy I knew was drinking back behind my back. I just basically listened.
He did tell me how he felt like he had it more together and in control while he was drinking (which scared me). Told me how he journals every night but how his writing is sh*t, his motor skills are lost. Told me he felt his thoughts were sharper when he was drinking. I tried to tell him they were absolutely not. I tried to tell him baby steps, baby steps ... no rush to fix everything right away, it will come.
He told me about this great little record store he found not far from him (the pic I saw on his FB the other night); he told me how he's been missing everyone badly. Told me he was nervous about being chosen to speak in Group for the first time tomorrow to speak about his life. Said he's been pretty much in a shell since being in SL and how he's been feeling so overwhelmed and has been keeping to himself so being called out to speak tomorrow has him a completely unnerved. He started going on delving into things he might possibly say tomorrow, one of them being a heroin overdose which I never knew about (snorted heroin when he thought it was cocaine) where he almost died. Maybe talking about his mother who passed away from kidney failure about three years ago (which I feel like he never dealt with proper and has had a huge affect on him). I asked him if he's brought this up with his counselor, I asked him if he's brought anything up about me and him? He said no. Again, he's said he's only been opening up over the last two days.
He did tell me a couple of times in our talk that he wanted to call me while having these feelings because he wanted to make sure or at least try to give me a better understanding of what he's going thru and how he's feeling, and how all over the place and what a mess he feels, and that it's not me.
Regardless of me being a Co-Dependent or Empath, regardless of whether he was just using me to vent, or how this all came down in the end, I'm thankful for this call. As hurt as I am missing him and that this relationship will most likely not be what I thought it might ... I now understand more that this problem, HIS problem is so much LARGER and uncontrollable than I ever possibly knew. Feeling very much less bad for me and just ultimately hoping he'll be OK.
Thank you again everyone for your support in the past week ...