I was angry last night, and then was OK this morning, but this afternoon lost it for a bit (which I expected and I know those low moments still more to come). This site has been sooooo immensely helpful I can't keep expressing how much all of you are helping. It's only been a week since my troubles have started but from all of you I have learned so much will I will be forever grateful for.
In all my 48 years of life I've never experienced or been thru anything like this, this hurt from being in love with an addict and what comes along with it. One thing I did today was subscribe to online counseling. Found a one-on-one therapist to talk to about my specific issues. I sent her the links to my threads here so she can catch up on the specifics, she called me and we talked on the phone for over an hour. It felt good to talk.
One thing I got from our conversation, another new thing I learned ... she said from what she's heard it sounded like me and him were the "perfect storm" for the Empath/Narcassist relationship. Another term I've never heard, another new thing I've learned since being here. She said it was obvious I needed to start taking care of me and making me Number One as opposed to putting everyone else first. We have another phone session set for Wednesday.
Regarding FB, I know I need to block him, not watch and peek and I should and eventually I will. Part of me tho right now feels I need to see what he's doing to give me that kick in the @ss to keep doing my thing and keep moving on.
For example? Today I saw he posted he was hanging out at a record store (back to the question of he says he has no time for me because he is so tied up with his intensive therapy and can't spare me five minutes?). He also added another female "friend". What's more bothersome is that he re-posted a picture of him and a guy friend (an alcoholic, one of his drunkest of drunken friends who was never any good for him) out partying holding a beer with a caption of him tagging this person saying "where you at?".
Tho at this point I probably shouldn't care, I worry/wonder if he's taking this stint seriously. I'm just so baffled ... how does someone who portrays to be so immensely involved in recovery and focusing on sobriety, cuts me the person who loves him and who has been there for him after all this time thru all of this, who said he loves me, cuts me out of his life because he needs to focus, he needs to heal, he needs to do the right thing while in sober living. Yet you post a drunken picture of you and your boy?? I don't get it ...