My XAH told me during our actual break up talk that he would always lie to me when it came to feeding his demons. I knew in that moment that we were doing the right thing by parting, no matter how excrutiatingly painful it was for us and our children. It was a glimmer of honesty in what had been an eternity of deceptions. I knew I didn't want to spend the rest of my life with a spouse I could not trust.
I wish for you peace and clarity while you choose your next path...which ever way it winds.
hugs