leaving
Hi peeps,
I posted here five years ago. If anyone is interested they can search my user name. My husband binge-drinks. He went to rehab five years ago and after coming out he was much better with the alcohol, but there are still binges.
As for me, for the last year and a half I've been on a sort of journey of my own with therapy and yoga, feeling a lot more peaceful and friendly about life. Less anxiety etc, better relationships all around.
So in some ways enjoying life a lot more, but in other ways just not having the tolerance for the alcohol.
The "last straw" was just before Christmas last year. He had some trouble with his course and then got news that his ex-wife was terminally ill, and this became a binge.
I had been planning a Christmas open house and had to cancel it due to binge, and realised that I was just randomly cancelling on friends without telling them what was happening.
It hit home how isolating it all is.
My father (in different country) has cancer and when I think of planning a visit all I can think of is, "Better to leave H here or leave him at home? Where would a binge be less disruptive?"
So I had a talk with my therapist yesterday and said I needed to tell H that I couldn't live with the threat of a binge always overhead. I really did not want to have a ****-show, I wanted to keep a clear and loving intention.
I did tell him tonight as we were eating, just that I couldn't live with it anymore, it was having a bad effect on my mental health. He was defensive, thought we should just tolerate each other's defects (the way he tolerated mine).
I have a rental house I'm going to look at tomorrow. I told him, he was defensive.
I did venture, "We could just take alcohol out of the equation?" but he said, "You know I'll never sit here and lie to you and tell you I'll never drink again."
So that happened.