....he will say that I've been cold during all of this, and that he's not feeling any warmth from me.
...
He keeps bringing up how he was a few years ago, almost homeless, and drinking every day, and how it's so much better now.
Deflection from his drinking. Tactics of the illness to blame and shame you... for the sole purpose of survival of the illness. That is what has priority here. Not a husband caring for and about his wife. Survival of the disease.
How is your self-care, today? Dealing with these things get much easier as the focus is put on our well-being, rather than defending ourselves against an illogical and cunning disease.
(((Hugs)))
I hear often that "I'm pushing everyone away from me" from my husband (when dry drunk and relapsed) and other relatives who've been affected by this family disease of alcoholism. It's verbal vomit meant to blame me. I'm no longer a people-pleasing doormat. I enjoy life. I don't fit in the tiny little box they seem to want me in.
They get their views. They enjoy life in their ways. I get to enjoy life in a way that supports my health and healing.