Struggling to be Warm
My husband and I have been through it the last couple of days. We have been trying to have a baby for the past several months but I realized when I was relieved that I wasn't pregnant last month that something was up. So I thought about it and came to the conclusion that it's because I'm not happy with my husband's drinking in general, and especially not in regard to potentially having a baby. So I told him the other night and the last 2 days have been talking and talking and more talking.
Today he texted me that I keep asking him what he wants from me and he doesn't know, but he will say that I've been cold during all of this, and that he's not feeling any warmth from me.
I think that's fair, and that I may have gone from detaching but not sharing my true deep-down feelings, to sharing my feelings and making sure they are absolutely outwardly apparent, which isn't good either. I told him that, and apologized, but I'm still struggling.
He keeps bringing up how he was a few years ago, almost homeless, and drinking every day, and how it's so much better now. And he's right. But he still drinks often, and when he reaches a point of being tipsy, I don't like him very much. He changes. He's not mean or anything, but he's a different person. A shell of a person. BUT he's right in that he is doing better than before, and that's a big source of conflict for me because it makes me feel like my feelings aren't valid.
I know, because of my program, that they are valid, but it's still a struggle.
Thank y'all for letting me share. I'm new to these boards so hopefully this is the sort of thing that's appropriate for this one.
Love and Hugs.