nonnie....nothing against alanon...but, right now your situation and your feelings are so acute...you may need more direct help and directed attention, right now....
I think it would be good for you to see a qualified addictions counselor...who is also a recovering alcoholic/or addict, themselves. You and your husband could go together for a few sessions....
I am sure that you must be suffering from some low-level depression, right now (who wouldn't)...not to mention the anxiety that goes with it.
Individual counseling...one on one, could help, also. perhaps you and your husband could go together to get some advice (I am not talking about couples counseling!)....
Adult Children of Alcoholics is not just for alcoholism...it can apply to any family dysfunction....(who knew?..lol)....You might get their book and literature from amazon.com....and, this could help you with dealing with the rest of the family "fallout"....
You could go to alanon, in the longer term, to have a place where live human beings understand that you are in pain...In fact, you 19yr. old and any other family members who are hurting, could go with you...not forced, mind you---but, invited along....
I know that the desire to start isolating, right now, is strong...because it feels like the pain and worry is all consuming. but, don't cave to isolation, because that causes it to get worse....you don't have to turn into a socialite...but, the kinds of people that I mentioned, in the above suggestions would be a good starting point. In times of great grief and pain...human connection is one of the most healing things....