nonnie....I understand your pain...and, the feeling of being "crushed".....this story is very, very common. Much more than you probably know. At one time, I had to kick my own son out of my house. It felt like it was pulling my heart from my chest....but, I had to do it. When they are that far into their disease...and, drunk, at that...it tears the whole family apart....
I know that you will cry and grieve over this...in fact, you have to, to go on....go ahead...it is o.k.
I say this from my heart...you MUST keep up the boundaries. You must have strong boundaries....and, love him from the distance. You won't stop loving him (lol..you probably don't like him, very much...right now, though)....
Now...I haven't stopped to read you other threads/posts....but, I can tell you that it is too much and too hard to travel this road alone.
You must get additional support from others who understand what this is like for a mother.
You need to keep the boundaries for the other kids, also...even the ones that blame you. Boundaries...boundaries...boundaries...
Otherwise, this will eat you up....
Trust me...you can get your sanity back and restore respect within the family...
but...you will have to be strong (after you have cried a river)...and, you will need to draw strength form others who understand and have been there....
You have every ounce of my compassion!! And, I am sure...of every mother, across the country who is crying for the very same thing....
I don't want to come across as "lecturing" or as a know it all....but, if you don't know how to set the kind of boundaries that I am talking about or where to get the right kind of support....keep posting...or, let us know...and we can fill you in....
I think that when one is as deep into the woods of this kind of distruction and pain...it is hard to see the forest for the trees....