41M, Diagnosis
Hello-
It's been a few years since I've posted here. I went through outpatient recovery about 5 years ago. That lasted for all of 6 months when the "fall" beers came out and all of my friends were going out socially. When I quit drinking I started dipping. Now I drink AND dip. Super! Since then, I've lost 1 job b/c of my addiction to alcohol. A high paying job. And by the grace of God, I'm back on my feet in a similar type of job and pay. But have continued to repeat past mistakes. Dad died 5 years ago, and I started on a 2 bottle wine night kick. Then started buying boxed wine, got up to nearly knocking that off every night which is 4 bottles. Still highly functional and a top performer at work until symptoms started kicking in. After 2 years of fighting it, I saw a doctor the last 2 weeks and had blood tests. I'm 41. M. Blood tests came back with only slightly abnormal liver. Ultrasound confirmed fatty liver. Met with Dr. today. I was 280 about 7 months ago, now 240. But weight loss wasn't due to diet or exercise. Malnutrition and dehydration. Doc said it is reversible only by me. Exercise, eating right, knocking down and eventually of the sauce. I drink out of habit and depression and they put me on Prozac for that and hoping that will help. I decided to jump on here again b/c I never liked AA. I can hide here, but also get good feedback and thoughts. I know I'm not alone. I just went through a 2nd divorce and a move for a job so I have little outlets other than TV and my normal habits (by choice). I told the doc that I will start fresh Monday after the Super Bowl (and I'm not having 1 last bender), but she said set a date and stick to it so that's what I chose. I've had a friend die of drunk driving and a Dad very successful who left this life too early b/c of past sins of drinking. I know that God is giving me a second and probably last chance to pull my **** together. Doc said do it little by little so I'm not overwhelmed. I used to be an athlete (have run 3 marathons and 1 half) so I love running or used to. I don't know why I logged in tonight. Re-found my username and reset my password, etc. I get e-mails still from the site even though I got them, I deleted them instantly. It reminds me of a part of me I don't want to know. Well, now, it's GO time. I am in the process of obtaining an addiction psychiatrist and a psychologist. I know I can't do this without reinforcements this time. I have a lot of life to live and have a good and genuine spirit and I want to continue to share that with my family, friends, and co-workers. So on Monday, do me a favor? Please say a small prayer for me that I can start righting this ship. I'm an open book so all the best to you. Even being on here on a Friday night, and having a drink, I know I'm not alone. Open to commentary/feedback or questions. Thanks for listening.
CEO