aliciagr

What you wrote here about your mental state prior to receiving help is something worth noting I think. My own husband was a complete mess when he was lost in his addiction. Irrational thinking, poor choices, lost, confused, vulnerable.

Treatment for addiction in my opinion is exactly like treatment for other psychological issues, medical conditions.

If a family member has a different health problem that is chronic or critical then its normal, accepted, applauded even for family members to work with the patient to review treatment options, work with a doctor to figure out the specific needs this person has for treatment, sort through profiles of doctors and the like. Everyone wants the best outcome.

In addiction treatment from a medical standpoint it is still this way. Its viewed much like seeking care for cancer, heart issues, mental health care. Family is often encouraged to be part of the process of selecting treatment, helping the patient who may feel he is ready to be committed into a rubber room to figure out what will be most helpful, and what can be paid for by insurance or other means.

In addition, MUCH of the current treatment for addiction INCLUDES the family members as part of the equation. Working with the patient in therapy, marriage counseling. Being part of the support team, maybe even the primary source of support while living at home. NOW, this is not to say that parts of treatment are not private, or that people cannot find additional support within groups, or meetings if they choose. I want to make it clear I support independence and personal choice.

This may not be the view EVERYONE holds, but it is a valid way to look at it. And if you do:

None of this is classifies as codependent behavior. Ive given up on trying to figure out all the varying definitions given to this label. But generally to me it means surrendering your life, your values, your health, your happiness in a long term manner for someone else. Being so wrapped up in another person, that you lose yourself.


DonewithHurting,

I have a couple questions. How did your wife get involved in AA? Was she of her right mind (in your opinion) at the time? Do you think she is being taken advantage of, wanting to leave but is possibly the victim of peer pressure, or bullying?

Apart from this what I see is that she likes the program of AA, while you have concerns. My feeling is something about it is filling up a need she has. Maybe its all about drinking, maybe its something else. Only she can explain to you what it is.

I think the concerns you have about the program, how her use of it is affecting your relationship is something that you have to discuss with her alone. As was mentioned earlier, if you are having trouble discussing it with her then why not seek out a mediator (MC) to help facilitate this?