Old 01-30-2018, 09:06 AM
  # 8 (permalink)  
wayforward
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Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 150
I've noticed that today (day 4) I've been restless and impatient.

I have a to-do list broken into sections (morning, evening) and while I've completed most of the morning activities (about to finish up the last few), I've done them disinterestedly.

This is where I hit the pause button. I've adhered to strict routines (for learning, working out, etc) in the past and had great success. But eventually I get bored and this is usually when the drinking flares up.

I think what I need to do is make sure that I have a life outside of routines, so that I don't get bored or impatient on the way to the results. I haven't been very social since sobering up (mostly because of withdrawal symptoms), but it's probably wise to start figuring out who I can grab a coffee with. Or maybe find a cafe to go to and work on some translations there, just to get a change of environment. Maybe find a social hobby that is less results-oriented.

I've been through this so many times that I can almost see what my brain is doing. It's seeking gratification. If my goals haven't been met yet, it feels no gratification and groups all of the work I'm doing toward the goal into the mass of everything else. This lessens the value of the work itself in favor of gratification, and suddenly I'm drawn to drinking again, since I know that I'll get an instant thrill out of that...until it becomes a pathetic habit which drains me of everything again, which it will.

So far, patience and positive thinking seem to be things I need to build up. Journaling is definitely helping me work through this. Hopefully I will look back on these thoughts when the desire gets more serious.
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